It was a saturday morning in the neighboorhood. The weather was perfect, and the sun was shining bright. Every kid sitting on those steps knew it was one of the most rewarding saturdays of the year. It was the first day of summer vacation. Before noon everyone was already outside, in shorts, flip flops, tank-tops, whatever. It was summer, and by looking at all of us, anyone could see this.
We weren't bored, but we weren't doing anything. Just sitting on the steps of Tony's apartment. Are group spent lots of days on these steps, not bored, but just hanging out. After about an hour of not doing much someone said... "baseball?" We all agreed, and headed down the block to play a game. It was going good, everyone was enjoying themselves, and then my brother Charlie hit a bomb. It went over the fence and smashed the glass of our neighboors window. This is the typical neighboor that all the kids hate. The type of guy that would give you a toothbrush on haloween. The same guy who has called police for us playing in the street in front of him. We were already sure he would be calling the fuzz, so we left quickly, and as we were leaving we saw him starting to chase after us. We ran back to Tony's steps, scared of this angry King Kong sized man, and just waited, back in the same position we were... To be continued
I liked this. It was very short and made me think about what was going on. I think that you would be better off without the "To be continued" at the end. Other than that I enjoyed it immensely
ReplyDeletesecond paragraph could have more description about the guy who called the cops on you.
ReplyDeleteand then my brother, Charlie,... add the commas
continue the story...!
First of all, this is too short but you said it is going to be continued so I hope you add more to it. For your first paragraph, it seems that you are describing the setting well but you could introduce your characters in this paragraph. For your second paragraph, at the end, you could explain what happen to you guys after your neighbor was chasing after you. Maybe you could also explain what caused that person to have such a personality.
ReplyDelete